We'll Improvise This One

So... I don't know what I'm going to write about tonight. Let's just see what pops out, eh?

To start, Nam-Allirog has been forgiven because he has magical hands. ^____^ Macloude managed to hurt her neck playing courtly games and he was good enough to help work away a little of the pain with icy-hot magic potion. Macloude's neck will probably snap, crackle, and pop all day tomorrow, though.

It's kinda sad, actually - apparently my pain tolerance is such that I can't even really stand to have all the kinks massaged out of my neck. o_O Sad, indeed...

Weather! And sports! I've been planning an excursion for willing Campus Plaza residents to mosey over to the park for a good ol' bout of soccer for the last few days.
I was really worried that today's weather forecast would spell DOOM for the game, and the gray cover hanging in the sky this morning really didn't do much to allay those concerns.
However, just as I got off work and headed home, they skies suddenly cleared, the sun shone, and it became a kind of weather most excellent for parkly excursions. Somebody up there loves me! ^__________^
Unfortunately I could use love from a few more somebodies down here... I had so many people back out on me once it was actually time to go play. I really was giving up and going home when Keith and Manly Man made an appearance in their hot canary yellow sporting attire. Those guys are real studs. If I had a y chromosome, I would feel so manspired by them.
So in the end, we had about 9 people from the Plaza and three other random guys I didn't know come play. It turned out pretty well. I got my annual bout of exercise, made some new friends, and somehow gave myself whiplash - or something that feels very much like it. I love soccer. I miss playing so much. And I especially miss feeling like I've been working at it enough to feel competent as I play.

I don't often have nightmares. Aside from the recurring ones in which all my teeth fall out. But I do remember one from the other night. A really... bizarre one.
My dad, my grandma, and I were driving to dad's house - through the woods, of course. The house is in the boonies and all. And somehow my MawMaw fell out of the vehicle - without us noticing. So then we got home and discovered that she wasn't there, but we figured out what must've happened because it... made sense... ? O.o (It started kinda dream-funky weird, but gradually it just got creepier.)
Dad was, of course, upset that his mom was lost and we had no idea if she was okay. So we had to go back and look for her. So all of my family on mom's side (cousins and such)- who were at Dad's house for whatever reason - started looking for MawMaw in the woods around the house. Mom and I worked our way along the trees near the road very methodically. But at some point, it became apparent to us that she had died out there. So we weren't looking for my lost grandma anymore - we were looking for her corpse.
I could tell we were getting closer for some reason (dream logic, yanno), but then a really really big fox appeared. I think it spoke because it was standing nose to nose with me, but I don't remember what it would have said. But I do remember it attacking us. We fought it off, though. And that's about when we started hearing wolves howl. They were hunting us.
I don't remember exactly how it all happened, but Mom and I -did- find my MawMaw's corpse... Just as the wolves started closing in. And then it all gets fuzzy. I think I woke up.
Why did I write about that? I dunno. It's just odd for me to have nightmares, and even if I do, I very rarely remember them. This one really stuck out, though. Maybe it's just because it was incredibly vivid - and more than a bit macabre.

DI bins! I love DI bins so stinking much. I've found some incredibly cool jackets in them, a suitcase, not to mention other miscellaneous clothes. My favorite finds of the last few weeks have been the long maroon jacket I wore as part of my Corporate Style Barbie get-up on Sunday, a lava lamp (who has officially been named Xavier), the Tinkerbell t-shirt I found for one sister, and the Woodstock plushie (think Peanuts) I salvaged for the other. As long as I have DI bins, I never need to spend another dime on gifts again! It's a beautiful system.

In other news - I'm never going to be able to settle on a major. I made up my mind to apply for illustration a while back, but now I've started weighing other possibilities again. Really only one other for now.
I shudder to say it where people can actually hear - and I doubt most of you who read this will believe it anyway - but beneath the ice and the whithered, frost-bitten texture of my black heart, there are actually a few microscopic fragments of compassion that haven't yet been obliterated. And those little nuisances are nagging me to do something that will make a difference people who desperately need others who are willing to help them. Specifically, there's a part of me that wants to work to improve the lives of children who need decent families. Child protection services, if you will.
As much as I want to help improve these kids' lives, though, there's another side. Perhaps a bit more selfish. And it looks at the long hours and heavy caseloads that social workers are weighed down with. And it says that I already ruled out the performing arts as a major because I didn't want a job that would distract me from my role as a mother. And I guess I'm kind of afraid of neglecting my own family in my attempts to improve someone else's.
Work in things like illustration and writing appeal to me so much not only because they allow me to let out my own creative nature and use talents I've developed, but because they're primarily freelance work that I can do within my own home. I just don't know.

I picked Polaris out of the sky tonight. It's the first time I've really looked at the stars since summer. It's so sad that you have to sacrifice proximity to people and convenience to be able to really see the stars - like at home. I love picking out constellations, and I know so many (in the summer, anyway). It's a shame that that knowledge gets rusty whenever I come here with all these lights. That's why I only really know summer constellations. I can see the stars in the summer. But in the winter, while I'm here, they hide.

I miss a lot of things about summer. Late night walks without a jacket, fireflies, star gazing, hiking, camping, trips to the coast, swimming in the river, greenery everywhere, humidity, baby animals, downpours you can run around in drenched without freezing while lightning crashes right over your head, fireworks, collecting chicken eggs at Uncle Jesse's, sunburn, Casey's face getting more freckly by the day, our next door neighbor trimming his lawn with a razor and a fine-toothed comb... I love summer.

~~~~~~~~~

Quote- "We're men. We hunt, we watch sporting events, we apologize." ~Rogers (The Swan Princess II)
Music- "Dark Chest of Wonders," Nightwish
Mood- contemplating the various degrees of 'ICK'